Casino Jokes To Help Players Deal With Gambling Stress

Silly Casino Jokes To Help You Relax 

It’s important to always remember that when you’re playing casino games, you shouldn’t take things too seriously. Though these games are often viewed as a leisure activity, it’s easy to let the stress of the jackpot games get to you. Here at Jackpotfinder.com, we believe that winning should come a distant second to enjoying yourself. It’s important to be able to step back from any situation at the gaming table and see the funny side of what’s happening. This is especially true if you’re on a losing streak or down on your luck. And that’s why you should tell yourself some casino jokes.

If you do find yourself becoming over-immersed and getting stressed out, then nothing is going to take the edge off quite like silly casino jokes. Time and time again it’s been shown that the best medicine for any stressful situation is humour. That’s why we suggest you step away from the gaming table sometimes and look to lighten the mood. It might surprise you how changing your mindset can actually increase your jackpot winning chances by allowing you to see all the options available more clearly. Once your head is clear of any negativity, you can head over to Bovada Casino and start making the best of your new more positive outlook.

Today we thought we’d collate our favourite casino jokes. Yes, we’ll admit that many of them are incredibly silly. In fact, we might go too far as to say that some of them are appalling. Nevertheless, you’ll find some intricate jokes here and many one-liners. This should make some of these casino jokes easier to remember if you ever need to deescalate a gaming situation in the casino.

Card Casino Gags

• What has a heart and no organs? A playing card!
• What advice would an Inuit give on building a house of cards? “Igloo it!”
• Marriage is like a deck of cards: all you need at first is two hearts and a diamond; but in the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
• Why can’t pirates play cards? Because they’re standing on the deck!
• Your best chance to get a straight flush in a casino… is in the bathroom.
• Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino? He was caught counting carbs.

Poker Casino Jokes

• What do you call a professional jackpot poker player who broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
• Jeff was a little shy at the poker table. He didn’t want to show his hand just yet.
• Everyone said that Cody would be a wonderful maid… all he does is fold!
• Santa Claus is a super-easy opponent: he always checks it twice.

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Gambling One Liners

• I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump highest. I like a gambol.
• I’m going to an ABBA-themed poker night. The winner takes it all.
• I lost money betting with one of the big cats at the zoo. Think he was a cheetah.
• I bet on a horse at 10-1. It didn’t come in until half-past three.
• I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.
• I used to love eating chips until I got banned from the casino.
• I was walking down the road earlier and I tripped over a sign from the local betting shop. What are the odds of that?
• A friend of mine keeps insisting on skipping through flower meadows. I think he has a gambolling problem.
• Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker? They always fold.
• I did well at strip poker the other night. I played my socks off.
• Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino? He was caught counting carbs.

More Gambling One Liners

• I took a gamble and bought a small boat without seeing it first. It was a punt.
• My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.
• Why didn’t the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.
• They say one in every seven friends has a gambling addiction. My money’s on Mark.
• There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.
• Why don’t vampires like gambling? They get nervous when the stakes are raised.
• I got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.
• The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
• Russian roulette: 5 out of 6 people recommend
• Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokémon cards.
• A midget chef had to quit his job at a casino; he said the steaks were too high.
• I had to quit my job at the blackjack table. I just couldn’t deal with people anymore.
• When I was in the casino last night and had a few spins on the roulette wheel… Before the manager told me to get off.
• My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.
• I was walking down the street the other day when I tripped over a sign to the local sportsbook. What are the odds of that?
• Did you hear they arrested a T-Rex after he was hired at the casino? He turned out to be a small arms dealer.

Longer Casino Jokes

• A man goes into a casino and sees a sign that says, “If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.” He thinks about it for a moment and then dials the number. When someone picks up, he says, “I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What should I do?”
• Sherman rushes to his house back from the casino. From the door, he starts yelling at his wife: ‘Samantha, pack your things. I just won a million pounds out of a slot machine!’ Excited, Samantha replies: ‘Oh yes, finally, we’re going on vacation? Should I pack for warm weather or cold?’ Her husband looks at her and says: ‘I don’t care wherever you want to go! You can go to the North Pole if you want, as long as you’re out of the house by noon!’

Bar Gambling Jokes

• A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. This piques his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. The dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, and discarding, everything the other human players were doing. However, none of the other players seems to pay any mind to the fact that they are playing with a dog, they just treat him like any other player. Finally, the man can no longer hold his tongue, so between hands, he quietly says to one of the players, “I can’t believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!” The player smiles and says, “He isn’t that smart. Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”
• A gambler complained to his friend at the bar, “My goodness, I had a woeful time betting today. I lost nine out of nine college football games, five out of five in baseball, and seven out of seven in hockey.” The friend replied helpfully, “Well, at least the soccer games are starting soon.” The gambler shot back, “But I don’t know anything about soccer!”

Conclusion: Casino Jokes

We hope that you enjoyed these silly casino jokes. Furthermore, we hope that you remember some of them for when a gambling situation gets a little too serious. Though we all have hopes to win the jackpot online, it’s not going to happen for everyone. At the end of the day, you should treat gambling as a simple leisure activity. Much like a hobby or a pastime. If you’re playing at an online casino like the excellent Bovada Casino, don’t take things personally. After all, these are all games of chance. Whenever you find yourself feeling stressed, it’s important to be able to step away and turn your mind to other things.

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